Golfers ...

I used to play golf. My clubs and bag sit forlornly at the back of the garage, having not been taken out in anger for over thirty years. I enjoyed the sport. I didn't always hit the ball well, and never bothered with handicaps or competitions but I had fun.

The club I belonged to was Southwold, on the Suffolk coast. 9 holes that you played twice and with a variety of hazards to trip you up. Plenty of bushes and hedges, one mini quarry that usually meant lost ball if you were wayward. The interesting thing with Southwold was the public had free access, so you'd just be teeing off but as well as taking into account the distance, club selection, and wind direction, you also had to keep a wary eye out for people out walking dogs, riders on horseback and cyclists.

I remember the finest drive I ever hit on the long second hole. It was a screamer. Started out right and began to curl back in again, just as I intended. Midway through this arc two elderly ladies popped out from behind the bushes where they had been picking blackberries. The timing was just incredible. The ball missed them by a couple of feet. Words were exchanged, but that was all part of the mix on that course.

The opportunity to mix golfers and lightbulbs offers one or two possibilities. I've settled on this one; you will, no doubt, be able to conjure up more.

Q: How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four!!